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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28685994">I’m in Love With Someone Transparent</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/emptyalien/pseuds/emptyalien'>emptyalien</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>trying to feed karlnap nation [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Lowercase, M/M, Multi, Requited Love, Unrequited Love, no beta we die like men, possible trigger warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:02:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,967</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28685994</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/emptyalien/pseuds/emptyalien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>the hurt of loving someone with your very being is one not many speak about. you become attached and it stems from the inside out until you're bursting throughout the seams trying to put into words your love and loyalty. it was a weakness many people had, their deviation and admiration for someone caused them to turn a blind eye.</p><p>it's something that is often unnoticed by the very person you love too much. </p><p>it's something dream is unaware of. </p><p>it's something sapnap has been feeling for too long.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>trying to feed karlnap nation [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2180442</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>165</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is just kind of a one off thing i just needed a break from my main<br/>this is also kind of funky i was trying to be poetic and shit </p><p>karlnapity nation rise up!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>the hurt of loving someone with your very being is one not many speak about. you become attached and it stems from the inside out until you're bursting throughout the seams trying to put into words your love and loyalty. it was a weakness many people had, their deviation and admiration for someone caused them to turn a blind eye.</p><p>it's something that is often unnoticed by the very person you love too much. </p><p>it's something dream is unaware of. </p><p>it's something sapnap has been feeling for too long. </p><p>their joking conversations are a dance between awkwardness and the fountain of their friendship they built years ago. although if you took the time to analyze every word spoken and said as they twirled and spun within a conversation you'd realize just how much it pained sapnap. </p><p>because each word, compliment, smile, it was all the truth. a painful truth he had accepted. one that he was truly and utterly stuck with the feelings he had harbored.</p><p>so each time their words danced and clashed in playful banter it was a painful one for sapnap. he was dancing right over his own heart, ever since he came to the realization that these feelings weren't leaving.</p><p>it was the process of stepping on glass and having the will to ignore it for sapnap, being the stubborn soul he was. but eventually, we all break. </p><p>wither you break as easily as window panes, or as an entire slab of glass, you will eventually shatter. </p><p>it had started with small cracks in the foundation of their bond. dream had been leaving a little too often. he would go in all the cardinal directions before talking to sapnap. it seemed dream would rather talk to enemies of theirs- or his own long past. even if their rivalry was frozen and forgotten in time, and their connection stone cold. he would rather speak to them than sapnap.<br/>
dream would rather dance with a new partner it seemed. although sapnap figured it out all too late. </p><p>it wasn't until he saw dream weeks after their last conversation that he noticed something had changed. dreams views seemed alternated and disfigured it was like each sentence seemed colder and colder. dreams words were far off and their waltz of harmony was falling apart. </p><p>as the days passed sapnap had begun to trip up as well. his morals and words no longer going into beautiful footwork shared by him and dream. </p><p>it set something up inside sapnap, it hurt. it truly did. everything began to crack and every glare began to crack and form intricate patterns in their fountain. they were the ones that hurt the most.</p><p>long after their banter turned from jokes and loving words to silence, there was one final blow that made everything shatter within sapnap. glass falling every wear inflicting damage on himself. </p><p>sapnap almost had forgotten his own feelings, because the dream now was someone he did not know. someone who did not care about him, their home, nothing. expect for geogre. </p><p>as geogre's small house was blown, dream blew up too. he had spoken some words that rung in his head more promptly than the explosions of tnt in the great war.</p><p>things happened faster than he was there to remember- or rather he spent all that time thinking.</p><p>thinking of every interaction they had in the past months came together for sapnap to realize that their foundation was no more.</p><p>it was broken. and dream did not care- rather he never did. or at least that's what sapnap thought. </p><p>
  <i>and it hurt.</i>
</p><p>it hurt more than he could ever know it would.</p><p>because just like how love is almost impossible to put into words, it was just as hard to say how much it strained being the second choice.</p><p>glossed over by the one you loved. the one you've been with since the beginning of time. all he spent countless nights thinking and unable to sleep peacefully.</p><p>every compliment, almost kisses, almost confessions, were now to be forever left unspoken and were now unable to be acted on.</p><p>the affections they shared- or rather sapnap gave to dream was long gone.</p><p>he understands it all now. but sapnap really wished he was just as clueless as george had been.</p><p>as he looked at himself in the glass of the community house he decided something. </p><p>in the same reflection, he decided that no more was he loyal to dream, no more would he dance and smile the same way they used to. that was gone. he was not loved in the same way he loved him. and as the tears of regret fell from his eyes, and a hand that once held dreams gripped his hair he let out a cry of pain. </p><p>it was all broken everything they built. and the same window he looked out was smashed by his own had.<br/>
he left the building eyes clear and filled with rage, this time he was in pieces held together by anger and ache.</p><p> sword gripped to his side in his bleeding knuckle. he moved on in the amour that was gifted to him by the very person who he had now hated the most. it was always a little big on him but he hadn't even minded. </p><p>he didn't care, he never did. that amour was a gift that showed sapnap was nothing but a weapon rather than a sign of gratitude.</p><p>now when sapnap went to george he spoke to him in a dance of fury and persuasion. sapnap told him that dream didn't care, convincing the other to join him. and he did. </p><p>now he had founded another country with two other dancing partners- quackity and karl. with memories they created and shared, it filled in the broken pieces sapnap was with their own miss-match pieces to build back up what was broken. it was a new bond and another trio was built. </p><p>he was now like colorful stained glass that was danced under in ballrooms, or the glass that showed light into the church of prime. sapnap felt alive again. he no longer feared the glares, or dreaded talking to the people he loved so much.<br/>
but the shards of recycled glass was still there. </p><p>they reminded sapnap that he still needed something to let it go. </p><p>he wishes the pain would've stopped by now but it didn't, some of the shards still stuck in his skin, while other cuts were scared over and healed. </p><p>but the feeling of first love was still there, and he didn't know what to do. </p><p>it had been a month since he'd spoken to dream. he remembers how dream made him feel happy like he was dancing on clouds every time they spoke. now he associated his name with a never-ending nightmare. stuck in unrequited love he couldn't escape until he confronted his own fears. </p><p>he still had an infatuation with dream.</p><p>it tormented him. sapnap thought it would torment him until his final breath. </p><p>that wasn't the case though. </p><p>as karl and quackity picked up on how their once happy and go-lucky pandas went to spacing out over the edge of their divine countries waterfall. they both knew they needed to intervene sometime soon, or at least see what was up.<br/>
as the late nights of unrest for sapnap continued their concern grew. and karl was done with sapnaps late-night depression building. </p><p>they finally spoke to him. </p><p>at first, sapnap danced around the issue, in a way that was perfected and practiced. although his downfall was underestimating quackity. </p><p>quackity seemed to be able to pick up where sapnap left off, his words spoken as he had gone through the same heartache. which he in fact had- sapnap made the mistake of forgetting. </p><p>so once the first mention of love was brought up, that's when sapnap broke.</p><p>but this time instead of completely shattering, the glass of the other two held him together. </p><p>there were a few cracks, aches and the lingering feeling of a lost love stuck between the slivers of glass.<br/>
it was something that quackity had known all too well. it was still hard to explain for sapnap, but quality followed along well enough for it to go well. </p><p>it was like quackity fixed the wound and karl patched it up. now it just needed to heal. </p><p>all three of them fit together in a now odd way. but it was a step in the right direction. </p><p>it was a bond that would grow and blossom within sapnap a different way from anything else had made him feel. </p><p>it was akin to those specials moments after new years or an old memory of something funny you still laugh at. </p><p>with more confidence and a stronger bond between the three sapnap settled back into loving life. </p><p>and in a week's time, he also found himself in a mesh of cuddles and it's the only way he could properly fall asleep.<br/>
sometimes they were riddled with the same terrors of nights forever burned into their memory but ultimately it didn't matter because they would wake back up tethered to their missing halves.</p><p>it was the start of something new. a shiny golden bond that wouldn't quite snap under pressure, rather it would bounce back after any fault. </p><p>all three of them assisted whenever another failed or made the wrong step in a dance. always recovering gracefully and moving on.<br/>
but when the explosions of the community broke sapnap’s little dream into pieces. </p><p>it was one of the last bits of dream he had. a little fragment of the love left he still had in his heart, locked away under layers of denial and others reassurance. </p><p>it all resurfaced, the pain, the longing for dream to come back. the thought that dream would come back still lingers. especially after seeing him on the battlefield and the ruins of the community house.</p><p>but in some mind-boggling way, sapnap still saw something in dream. a sick desire was still in his mind as he watched dream yell at a child and the president. it was almost like he had forgotten the months of feeling betrayed and angst as sapnap watched his angelic blond hair fall. </p><p>the mask dream took of when only sapnap was around- he could even imagine dream's angry expression. his fist clenched fist around the disc that provided the anarchist such power.</p><p>but when dream looked at him, after proclaiming he would utterly destroy l'manberg with a final blow, those eyes told sapnap that's dreams heart was only filled with hate and nothing more.</p><p>that dream would never ever reciprocate the same feelings he did. </p><p>so on the dawn of the day of reckoning, he stood by the ruins of the community house. looking at the blown shards of glass and items scattered and floating in the water. </p><p>it reminded him of when he first met dream, a destructive little kid. just like sapnap was. </p><p>but the difference now was sapnap had grown and moved on. </p><p>it was almost beautiful. but he was only reminded that it wasn't when he heard the great machines ring out with explosions and the groan and screams of his once loved ones cry out in war and loss.</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>caused by dream.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>after running across old planks of wood, he saw it.</p><p>l'manberg looked like hell itself. craters that were deeper than the hole in techno's heart. the fires that burned brighter than the souls of everyone there. the people who could only look on with empty glossed eyes. </p><p>and as he looked across the land that was once free- the land he had fought against so hard for stood the man himself. </p><p>dream, with his mask off- and a crazed look in those once green eyes that used to look like flourishing forests- now they had the fire reflecting into them. giving his eyes a red look.</p><p> their eyes met and it was the worst feeling sapnap ever had. but they both knew- or at least sapnap did. </p><p>that they had a conversation long overdue.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>pls visit my twitter @aliensluvu</p><p>i need people to rave abt block men alkakskkxkxs</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>as sapnap walked across the burnt land and jumped over the crater he could help but feel burned. despite the fact of having fire resistance. </p>
<p>maybe it was because the closer he got to dream he felt his defensives waver, he was molten glass- easily moldable. about to fall back into the cycle of loving once again. or at least that's what sapnap thought. </p>
<p>when only a few feet separated them- the rest filled with silence. sapnap stared dreams eyes that were no longer hidden behind a mask that had seen hells true horrors. </p>
<p>it was almost more intimating to see dream like this. sapnap's eyes wanting to look away at the person dream had become. with or without the mask. it used to be a sign of vulnerability for dream to have it off- to tell the difference if you were talking to a tyrant or a man who just wanted a family. but now it was just a porcelain mask with a smile.</p>
<p>these are the thoughts that made sapnap's confidence falter. it was just him and dream- just like it had been from the start. </p>
<p>sapnap stared- hopefully dream would still understand his looks. he was trying to convey that he was furious with dream without saying a word. he looked for any sign of reaction the more he creased his brow at dream. </p>
<p>then there it was a faint smile. </p>
<p>dream opened his mouth and began to tell sapnap how he was excited- excited that sapnap showed up for his <i>support</i>.</p>
<p>he babbled on about how long he waited for this. how he now had the power to teach everyone a lesson. </p>
<p>about how much he'd missed sapnap and was glad he 'pretended' to join el rapids for tactical reasons.</p>
<p>but apparently with l'manberg out of the way- dream promised for everything to be normal. </p>
<p>taking things back to what they once were. </p>
<p>and for a second he almost said yes.</p>
<p>but you cannot piece glass back together because there will always little particles that you can no longer see. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>so sapnap rejected the offer. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>even as fear filled his system when dream's cocky smile turned to frown but sapnap stood his ground. </p>
<p>because he did not go through the nightmares and pain just for a simple sorry. a simple promise of things to go back to the way they were. </p>
<p>because they most definitely wouldn't. it wouldn't be the same him and dream fighting against the world. </p>
<p>it would just be them ruling it together with a cold shoulder. </p>
<p>he wasn't ready to go through the glares- to see the mask on constantly. the ghosting.</p>
<p>he didn't want the nightmares- the feelings.  and especially without his new countries leaders by his side to help him through it. </p>
<p>and as if on cue two ender pearls smashed to the ground next to him, and a quackity in shining diamond amour appeared. underdressed for the occasion as usual. </p>
<p>karl came a bit later, his other half almost stumbling into a nearby crater. he caught his footing though, he looked at sapnap with a beaming face. almost as shiny as his purple armor. </p>
<p>sapnap looked back at dream with a new smile on his face. dream looked back in a confused way- a face dream didn't often give. </p>
<p>sapnap clarified that he wouldn't join his side- that he had his own now. somewhere he could call home and dance freely without a care. </p>
<p>somewhere where stories were told- where nightmares couldn't reach them from the top of the hill. </p>
<p>somewhere dream was now banned from- the exile now active immediately. all three presidents agreed on it after all. </p>
<p>with overwhelming pride, sapnap asked dream to one final duel. </p>
<p>dream agreed before karl and quackity could reel sapnap back in.</p>
<p>dream had slipped his mask back on by now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>and the dance of swords begone. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>it's where any fleeting feelings sapnap hand left with the sparks that were ignited by swords crashing. </p>
<p>call sapnap crazy, but he had never felt better while he and dream continued to fight. </p>
<p>while the words of encouragement from the other two only made sapnap feel better than any man possibly could. </p>
<p>and for once he was his own weapon- not one of dream's.</p>
<p>when the footwork became slow on dream's end, sapnap knew the ball was coming to a close. </p>
<p>and with one swipe from under the legs dream finally fell straight on his back. disarmed and unable to regain his footing with a boot on his chest. </p>
<p>sapnap could only smile in victory. </p>
<p>but soon another pearl smashed the ground- and dream was swept away by piglin with murderous tendencies. </p>
<p>but sapnap could care less as he ran to the other's arms- and gave the biggest hug possible. </p>
<p>although he wasn't a hero, and l'manberg lay burning to the ground- he couldn't help but feel at his best. </p>
<p>and maybe it was the smoke in the air- or maybe it was the adrenaline still running in his veins. </p>
<p>it made sapnap want to hold these two close to him forever. </p>
<p>wed them under the church's glass, to dance with them in the dead of night. </p>
<p>so when they three got out the area of flames and sorrow, and back up onto their hill he picked a flower from the ground. </p>
<p>he tossed his armor to the side, and offered them both a flower- and the promise of loyalty and intimacy for the rest of time. </p>
<p>karl and quackity both tackled him and they all laid in the grass of a blossoming country. </p>
<p>even as it started to rain sapnap didn't care because he'd found his dancing partners for life.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>stepping on dreamnap rn</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>classic music carried this </p><p>Also I stole some headcanons from @FurrowedBro go haunt them on twitter</p></blockquote></div></div>
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